What Leadership Really Takes: Reading the Room, Running the Race, Rewriting the Rules

HPP-EQ High Performance Partnerships + Emotional Intelligence Series

He started watching early.

He was about six or seven. It was a sunny day. He couldn’t quite see out the car window – just a blur of road. But then the scene changed, like a curtain pulling back. The car rolled into the small-town square.

“That’s where we got you,” his mom said. “We got you at that courthouse.”

That’s all she said. She was nervous. Trying to explain that he was adopted – without saying it outright.

It stuck with him. In his treehouse. On his bike. In the quiet way kids build stories around what adults leave unsaid.

He began to pay attention. To people. To moods. To shifts in energy. To what was safe – and what wasn’t.

His mom and dad never made him think they were going to give him back. They never said anything like that.

But you know… kids.

So, he watched. Closely. Constantly.

That’s where his emotional intelligence began.

This Month’s Focus:

What if our best leadership traits start in the most unexpected places?

That child’s instinct to read the room – born from uncertainty – isn’t rare. It’s just rarely acknowledged.

We grow up, we put on titles, and we call it leadership.

But what if performance – real, sustainable, high-functioning performance – has less to do with hierarchy and more to do with how well we tune into others?

This month, we connect the dots between:

• A CEO trying to design a business that energizes instead of drains

• A generation opting out of management without opting out of leadership

• And the deeper idea behind performance: the actor in context

And in the end, we’ll come back to the same three questions:

• How do I do this?

• How do I get there?

• How does the work get done?

PART 1: Running Out of Road

A young CEO rethinks what performance should feel like

I’ve been working with a young CEO – an avid runner – who inherited his family’s business a few years back. Along with it came financial and structural baggage. He took it on with the kind of runner’s mindset that doesn’t let pain or fatigue stand in the way.

He read every book. Listened to the podcasts. Took notes. Took it seriously.

But he hit a wall. He could tell he was burning out. He started asking:

“Why can I find simple, clear advice about running, and none that matches my vision for designing, managing, and expanding my business?”

He’s not coasting on his last name. He knows the work – he’s grown up in it.

He wants to build something different: Collaborative. Energizing. Sustainable.

He described what it feels like after a good run. That energized, clear-headed, satisfying fatigue. Something to crave.

“It’s not that running is easy. But I never feel drained. That’s what I want in my business – for myself, my employees, and our families.”

And then this: “I’m not my father. I’m not banking on ownership. I want to lead collaboratively. I just can’t figure out how to do it.”

He’s not alone. And he’s not the only one asking:

• How do I do this?

• How do I get there?

• How does the work get done?

PART 2: Players, Not Layers

Gen Z isn’t rejecting responsibility. They’re rethinking structure. They’re calling it “conscious unbossing.”

Gen Z is stepping away from traditional leadership tracks – not because they don’t want to lead, but because they don’t want to inherit outdated systems.

They want clarity. Purpose. Impact. Not layers. Not power plays. They want to lead through:

• Expertise

• Collaboration

• Personal growth

In other words, they want the same things our CEO wants. And maybe the model – not the people – is what needs to change.

Because if the next generation is opting out, we need to ask: What are they walking away from – and what are they walking toward?

In a recent BBC article, journalist Victoria Bisset put it this way:

“Gen Z isn't turning away from leadership. They're turning away from a specific type of leadership. They want to lead in ways that align with their values – through expertise, collaboration, and personal growth.”

That line sticks with me.

My words, not Victoria’s: They’re focused on delivering work individually. Clearly, effectively, and without the drama of organizational drag.

Performance? In some industries, that’s easier than others. But across the board, they’re posing the same questions our CEO raised:

• How do we do this?

• How do we get there?

• How does the work get done?

PART 3: Actor in Context

The performance insight behind every truly great team

Let’s go back to that kid in the car.

What started as a survival strategy turned into a leadership trait. The ability to notice. To adapt. To connect. It’s emotional intelligence in motion.

It’s also the foundation of what we call Actor in Context:

• Actor = Your specific capabilities – strengths, blind spots, and potential

• Context = Your current environment – challenges, goals, and pressures

Performance isn’t about one-size-fits-all advice. It’s about aligning the actor to the moment.

It’s what David Halberstam, in The Amateurs, described when rowers talked about a boat lifting out of the water – not when they won, but when everything clicked.

That’s what our CEO is craving.

It’s what Gen Z is seeking.

It’s what high performance feels like.

So… What Did We Just Learn?

All three stories are asking the same questions:

• Can leadership feel less like burnout and more like belonging?

• Can performance feel less like pressure and more like momentum?

• Can we stop managing people like problems – and start aligning them to what they do best?

Or simply:

• How do I do this?

• How do I get there?

• How does the work get done?

Let’s keep answering those – together.